by Mary Claybon | Jul 13, 2022 | Health and Wellness, The Middle Way Blog |
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares.”
-Henri Nouwen
Friendship is an art. We are born into families but we must cultivate our friends. A true friend is priceless- someone you can call when you are confused, have a problem, or when you are excited and want to celebrate. Sometimes we need a friend to listen and not fix our problems or advise us with the best solution. Yet, how many people have someone in their life who will listen and love unconditionally without an ulterior motive; without asking for anything in return; someone whose own spirit is lifted by allowing you to share your dreams, worries, fears, confusion, anger, and other emotions.
This is rare in today’s society because we are in a hurry and listening takes time. It is also difficult these days because much of our communication is lost in texting, e-mail, facebook, and lack of self-awareness and mindfulness. How can we understand what someone else is feeling if we never take the time to understand our own inner world? Make friends with yourself first and you will be able to open your heart to others.
Like doctors, we want to give our friend a solution. Often we don’t want a solution; we just want to talk it out. A true healer will listen until they don’t exist so the other person can come up with their own solution, but this takes time.
There was a time when I went to a doctor and I said to him, “You know, Doctor, I think there is an emotional component to this and I really want to heal at a deeper level.” He looked at me with a sense of helplessness, and said, “Well, get up on the table and let me listen to your heart.” After putting the cold stethoscope on my chest, he proclaimed, “You are just fine.” Isn’t that funny? Would he really take the time to listen to my heart and soul and mind? No, not because he doesn’t want to, but because he doesn’t have time. Listening to someone’s feelings and emotions is difficult. We quickly want to solve the problem, hurry the pain away, and heal the person. We can’t expect our doctors to be our friends, but if we had more friends we might not need as many doctors.
You may have a “ton of friends,” but how many of your friendships are open and unreserved allowing you both to expose your soul and unleash your feelings and emotions without fear. You are fortunate if among the multitudes of people you know, you have one or two trusting friends who will be there for you even when they don’t understand you.
Cultivating friendship takes time and thought and the ability to give and to forgive. It is the desire to want to be in a relationship with another human being for no other reason than the healing energy of knowing you can count on that person and they can count on you in life when it is challenging or when it is exciting. This kind of friendship is the best medicine.
by Mary Claybon | Apr 30, 2022 | Health and Wellness, The Middle Way Blog |
The Heart of Wellness
Wellness isn’t just about a healthy heart, low cholesterol, low blood pressure and living at an ideal weight in a disciplined exercise program. It’s more than avoiding cancer or staying safe. It is so much more than that. And, yes, it involves your heart, but your soul heart. And, yes, when your soul heart is healthy, your body often follows. But it is important to note that if your body does get sick, it may be the perfect time to accept your humanness and get in touch with your soul.
Your life just works better when your heart is open.
How do you measure this depth of wellness? There are no biometric measures, or blood tests for spiritual health. You can’t get on a scale and see how much your soul weighs. But you can go inside and see how you feel. What’s churning? What’s getting in the way of your happiness and peace of mind? What do you need right now-physically, emotionally, spiritually?
Do whatever it takes, a walk in the park, reading a good book, helping a friend, giving to a charitable cause, or sitting in a quiet space with your own kind of prayer or meditation.
Health and Well-Being begin with a healthy mind and heart. Here are some of my favorite books for physical and emotional heart health.
BOOKS THAT HEAL THE HEART
You Can Heal Your Heart by Loise Hay and David Kessler 
This book is about finding peace after loss from a breakup, divorce, or death. David Kessler was mentored by Elizabeth Kubler Ross and Louise Hay. I attended one of his all day workshops on grief, and learned so much about to work with grief in a way that promotes growth and finding peace of mind. Sharing real life stories that open the heart and comfort the soul, this book is a journey well taken for anyone suffering loss.
When The Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd 
I love Sue Monk Kidd. The author of The Secret Life of Bees, goes on a journey into her own soul, to find her authentic spiritual self. Her heart waits as she dives deep into her own dark night of the soul by contemplative self direction and direction from others as she finds some answers to the sacred questions that guide her life.
Feeding the Hungry Heart by Geneen Roth 
I have used Geneen Roth’s work on emotions and eating with coaching clients. I love how she writes about her own journey and shares stories of those she has worked with in her own practice. Eating was meant to be both to feed our bodies, but also in joy to nurture our souls, and when the heart is starving, we look for fulfillment in unhealthy overeating leaving us empty instead of satisfied.
Journey of the Heart by John Welwood 
John Welwood is a psychologist who teaches the path of conscious love and deep spirituality as a way to nurture our relationships with ourselves and others. Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D. said it perfectly “ A profound and wonderful book. It is a spiritual text on intimate relationship that is grounded in real life.”
There are so many other books that help us with that journey from the head to the heart, and books about healing. These are just a few.
If you are interested in exploring your own heart’s journey, I’d love to chat with you to see if I can help.
My coaching doors are open. To schedule a free consultation with me, use my calendar link.
https://calendly.com/maryclaybon/introductory-consult
by Mary Claybon | Mar 1, 2022 | Health and Wellness, The Middle Way Blog |
I have spent over 40 years studying the body and health, both illness and wellness and how the physical systems work and break down. I have also spent the last 30 years studying how we can prevent those systems from breaking down by adhering to a healthy lifestyle. I have dedicated the last 25 years of my life to studying how our thoughts and attitudes influence our health and wellness. I can summarize my findings by using four questions to evaluate your health and wellness or lifestyle.
What are you eating?
What are you drinking?
What are you doing?
What are you thinking?
Chances are if you are not feeling “well” or suffer from “dis-ease” one or all of these questions include some unhealthy practice. The most important question is What are you thinking? But first let’s look at the others.
What are you eating?
Let’s look at what you are eating. There is so much written about diet today that many have been suffering from mass confusion. The truth is the laws of nutrition have not changed much and we still need to eat a variety of foods to stay healthy. There is no magic bullet and no magic diet. We are hear to enjoy food and eat what feels good and healthy and give us pleasure. We need to eat to live and live it up while we eat.
So what feels good and what does feel good mean.
In a nutshell after studying all the diets and after going on many of them myself, I conclude the healthiest way to eat is:
- With variety
- Not too much meat
- Fish at least once a week
- More plant based
- Limit dairy products
- Lots of vegetables and a some fruit
- High fiber grains in breads, cereals and pasta
- Protein at every meal
- Limit simple sugars and avoid high fructose corn syrup
- Eat what your body is calling you to eat.
- Eat the foods that bring you joy and energy.
- Eat in moderation
What about drinking?
It is no secret that water is important. Our body consists of 75% water. Our cells and organs need water to function. Water keeps every thing flowing. Water is cleansing. The most important thing you can drink is water. There is controversy about the amount of water one needs, but there is no argument that we don’t live very long with out water. Can you over do water? Of course! We can overdo everything.
What about other beverages? There are other ways to get fluids into our body. Fresh fruit and vegetable juices are wonderful supplements for health.
Coffee and tea have some benefits, but only in moderation. They are caffinated beverages and actually encourage our system to eliminate water. They actually can dehydrate us. The plusses of coffee is that it is a stimulant and can give us energy when we are tired and also, let’s face it-those of us that love a cup of coffee with the morning paper are drinking it because of the ambiance of it-for how it feels as it goes down and more than likely because we are in the habit of drinking it.
Tea is a little different. Caffinated tea can be a stimulant and Green tea has been reported to prevent and even attack some cancers. All the data is not in.
Tea has been found to have some strong antioxidants that help prevent disease and in some cases aid in curing cancers.
Decaffeinated herbal teas are not only refreshing but can have some medicinal value. Herbal teas have a connection to relaxation and quiet.
Wine and alcohol seem to have a place in a healthy diet, when consumed very moderately. For men this is about 2 drinks a day and for women no more than 1 drink a day. A drink is 6oz of wine, 8 oz of beer, 1 oz of liquor. Beyond this amount alcohol does more harm than good. Alcohol adds calories to the diet and also can be dehydrating.
Whenever you are consuming any beverage other than water it is best to have a glass of water with the other beverage. This allows you to enjoy the beverage of your choice but also to dilute it and allow the water to rehydrate your system.
What are you doing?
Whatever you do it must be in line with your values and goals. Your body needs to move so hopefully you are doing something other than sitting or driving. Your body needs walking and bending and stretching and playing. Without movement on a regular basis your body will become stiff and your entire system will suffer.
The doing should include daily exercise of some sort. It needn’t be so strenuous you dread doing it, but it should be enough that your body has to make some effort and in the act of doing the body is lubricated. Walking is by far the best and most natural exercise. Buy a pedometer and make your goal 10,000 steps (5 miles) a day.
Are you working at a job you love? Gardening is great doing. What about traveling. Are you doing some traveling – even if it is exploring a local park or place you have never been to? Pretend you took an airplane to come to this beautiful place and enjoy all the sites.
Do what you love.
What are you thinking?
This is the most important question, because if your thinking is in order all the other questions will fall into place. We do not over eat or drink or become sedentary because we are happy people and it feels good to our system. Generally happy people are full of life and enjoy what they eat, what they drink and what they do. Unhappy people abuse food and drink and either do nothing productive or resent everything they are doing.
This is the most important question to ask yourself.
Recently I was talking to someone who said, “You know, I am doing everything right. I am eating practically a vegetarian diet, I don’t drink, I don’ smoke, I work out with weights every other day and then walk and do aerobics 4 times a week, but I still feel like crap.”
So I asked – “What are you thinking?” she said – well –that is a problem. My thoughts are very conflicted. “ She proceeded to share some of her most recent issues. The main source of conflict is her interpersonal relationships and some issues at work.
That was it. She could do all of the exercise she wanted and eat very healthy indeed, but if her thinking stays conflicted she will continue to feel bad.
Each person needs to examine his or her own thoughts. What do you think from one moment to the other? What motivates you? What are your values? Who are you? What do you believe?
These are the questions that need to be examined in order to fully be healthy and alive.
And while you are questioning you may feel like crap, because it may be the first time you are really honest with yourself. It may be that for years you covered up all of your conflicting thoughts with distractions. Some people become workaholics. Being deep in thought about a project that needs to be completed prevents you from looking deeply within at your true thoughts.
Everyone is struggling in his or her own way with the existential questions. Some have found answers enough to move forward and live life fully. Others retreat to a mountain where they feel most comfortable with themselves and no interpersonal relationships to contend with. Look deeply within. You can only hide from yourself for so long
by Mary Claybon | Jan 27, 2021 | Health and Wellness |
I love walking
I hear this often -“I’m having a hard time getting exercise-I’m bored, get interrupted, it’s too cold and just don’t like it. What can I do to get my exercise and stay motivated?”
I always ask, “What is an activity you enjoy? Walking? Dancing? Ballet/Bar? Yoga? Tai Chi? Meditative movement? And then what is the best time for you to take 30 minutes to dedicate to a workout of some sort?” For me it’s walking and dancing. I love to walk.
30 minutes 5 days a week gives you the recommended 150 minutes for promoting and maintaining health and wellness. Add two days in your week to do resistance exercises using weights, bands or even your own body. Make the 30 minutes your sacred half hour and find something you like to do. Walking can be boring. I usually listen to podcasts or make phone calls. Some people love to listen to music and walk to the beat.
When it’s cold outside, walk in place or turn on a You Tube Walking Workout video. You Tube has just about any kind of workout you’re in the mood for.
Here are the links to a couple of my favorite indoor walking workouts:
FAST Walking in 30 minute
30 Minute Boosted Fitness Walk
10 STEPS To Help You Stay Motivated
- Make this your time to feel good. The best motivation is what comes from you internally instead of trying to please someone else or because you feel guilty. Call it movement instead of exercise or workout if that makes you feel better.
- Get a pedometer and track your steps-go for 10,000 but start from whereever you are and make 10,000 your goal. (More below)
- Make it fun. Put on some cardio dancing music and dance for 30 minutes. Or add variety. You can do some cardio and whole body work.
- Walk around your house when you are making phone calls or listening to podcasts.
- Put on a You Tube video.
- Join a Zoom exercise class.
- Buy a new exercise outfit that makes you feel comfortable with your movement. And don’t forget good shoes.
- If you can, create a special place in your basement or home just for exercise. You can put mats on the floor and posters on the walls that motivate you and help you to visualize your success at feeling and staying fit.
- Forgive yourself if you a miss a day or two and just get back to it. It’s not all or nothing, it’s something – whatever you will do.
- Reward yourself. After you are done, you can take a soothing bath, read magazines, play a game on your phone, or make a relaxing phone call.
More on 10,000 Steps
If you want to begin with lifestyle changes and exercise is your top priority, go out and buy a pedometer and work up to 10,000 STEPS PER DAY. I love my pedometer. I put it on in the morning and track every step. You would be surprised how little walking you get in if you sit at the computer all day. On the other hand if you have steps in your house and you vacuum daily, run errands, do the gardening, and walk to the mailbox, you may find that by mid afternoon you have over 5, 000 steps. Now all you have to do is go out and take a brisk walk for less than an hour and you will have your 10,000 steps. You can sneak steps into your day by parking your car farther away, walking up and down every aisle in the supermarket, window shopping at the mall, or simply walking around while chatting on the telephone. I wish I had invented the concept of 10,000 steps. 10,000 Steps is equal to about 5 miles of walking. In the beginning don’t worry if you are getting sufficient aerobic exercise at your target heart rate, just WALK. Once 10,000 steps is a habit increase your intensity and frequency, but for now just clip on your pedometer and get walking, and of course, if you are not used to exercise, check with your doctor to make sure you are ready to begin.
I found a great web site using this concept.
http://www.thewalkingsite.com/10000steps.html
by Mary Claybon | Jan 4, 2021 | Health and Wellness |
Yes!! Change is in the air and all around us. I have changed my website.Take a look and tell me what you think, and give me any feedback for clarity or improvements.
https://themiddlewayhealth.com
I want to thank you all for reading my writing and for your feedback as I go forward. I want to write more frequently and while I will continue to write articles on health and wellness and life, I want to write more articles on spiritual wellness and share some of my story. So stay tuned and feel free to write to me and let me know what you enjoy about my writing and what you would like more of or less of. What are your biggest health, wellness and spirituality questions. Have a cup of tea and join me in this transition and in the meantime enjoy this article on CHANGE.
LIKE IT OR NOT CHANGE IS IN THE AIR
The most successful people are those who adapt to change, go with the flow, and use their creativity to become an active part of a changing world. Rigidity, a tight fist crossed arms have no place in a changing world.
Physically you can stand still and not move, but the universe is changing all around you. How you adapt to those changes will determine how you handle stress, loss, and adversity. Those who adapt to change and enjoy variety in life, do best when faced with a major shift in their routine. However, those who like to stay with a familiar routine, avoid risk, and like the security of staying where they are, can be quite frazzled when faced with an interruption in their routine that comes with change. And that means that those people will be frazzled a lot, since change happens all the time.
You may be stuck in your ways, but the world does not stay stuck. There are climate changes, technological changes, economical changes, changes in politics and changes in health care, AND WHO KNEW THERE WOULD BE A PANDEMIC?! Change occurs when we suffer a loss. This could be the loss of a job, or the loss of a loved one, or the loss of something as simple as the familiar way you watch TV now that we are in the digital age. Change also occurs when good things happen. It’s not all bad news.
There are people who change jobs every three years and there are those who stay in the same job for years or until they get laid off. If you can’t handle change a job loss can be devastating. I once lost a job and in my pocket was a message that read, “The universe is supporting your dreams and goals.” And that is exactly what happened. It was time to move on, create new avenues and grow. This is a time for contemplation more than strict planning or visioning.
If you are someone who finds comfort in keeping things the same, and has remained rigid about moving in a different direction, the world will pass you by as you stay in the rut that will feed your extinction. We like the familiar. It makes us feel safe. Venturing into new territory can be scary and trying new things does not come natural for many of us. However, like it or not change is in the air.
Here is an exercise I do with clients who are faced with change:
1. Take a deep breath close your eyes and then open them and look at your world.
2. Look around you and ask what you can do to make one change in your life.
3. If you could imagine yourself doing something different, what would you do? You might really enjoy this exercise. Nothing has to change yet. Just imagine.
4. You may have kept your creative juices frozen but now you need to thaw them out, get out the crayons and color your world.
5. What does it look like? Who are you? What do you need to do today to go with the flow?
Whether you like it or not something around you is going to change and the sooner you get excited about it, adapt to it, and become responsible in it, the sooner the world will spin in an ever changing, ever growing direction that can be delightful, freeing, and exciting.
