Why Not Meditate?

(I wrote this several years ago, but you know what? It still fits today)

    Everyday I feel the call to sit on my zafu (meditation cushion) or to gracefully take my body and mind through an hour of yoga. Somehow I have a stronger calling to go outside and grab the morning paper and sip flavored coffee as I read through the chaos of the world. Inside my mind and soul is a feeling compassion for everyone in the news. The news is mostly controversial, frightening, political, and just down right sad at times. There is always mass confusion about everything and no real long-term solutions to any big problems. I enjoy reading human-interest stories about people and especially enjoy reading the obituary stories to see how people lived their lives. Then I turn to the Tempo section, which has the Dear Abby column, the horoscope summaries for the day and my daily crossword puzzle that I take to the pot with me for morning elimination.
    After I have answered this calling then I again feel that little urge to go do yoga and meditation but somehow the computer calls me and I feel I have to go check my e-mail.
    Then I might sit down and write or make a phone call –anything but sit.
    Whatever is going on inside me emotionally I know will be settled on that cushion or yoga mat but for some reason I do everything else but that.
    What is going on here? I’ll tell you what I think. When I sit and get quiet the entire world is an illusion. Suddenly all that matters is a sense of peace and quiet. All of my problems are reduced –all of the issues that keep my brain rattling are minimize – and my mind translates this to – I am minimized. That is the little I -. The I that is proud and smart and business like and achievement oriented and successful or not. The I that talks to people and is recognized as a separate entity. The I that is reflected in all of my many roles that I think are so important. That I is minimized and when in deep meditation actually disappears.
    The big I that is one with the universe and God if you will, is maximized. That I is all that matters and the issues and problems of the world suddenly are gone.
    That is a scary thought to a big ego. That I would become so small and that God would be most important. That suddenly invalidates all the issues in the paper that I run to read every morning.
I am struggling to stay connected to the world – that is all I will say right now.
Now I will go and begin with yoga hopefully to end up on my cushion.